Kids this is why it is important to say no to drugs and to stay in school . You may get elected to office, but you will look and sound like a major arse. Remember, stay in school, pay attention, and don’t do drugs. This PSA was brought to you by yours truly.
Link courtesy of reader E. Lemkey.
Things in your neighborhood a little too quiet? People getting along too well? Too many families getting together for play dates and BBQ’s? Is there inter-class canoodling? Well, my friends you are in luck! Using the tried and true methods of the hate mongers of yore, I have prepared a step-by-step guide guaranteed to help you bring chaos and disruption to any neighborhood. Call it what you will, Moral Panic, Emotional Contagion, manufacturing/constructing of a perceived reality, whatever. This guide is guaranteed to disrupt the peace and spread hate. Our main goal is to make your underlying hate and racism 100% socially acceptable all the while projecting your greatest insecurities onto innocent scapegoats. It’s so easy even Sarah Palin can do it, without the assistance of notes! Why should the Tea Klan have all the fun?
In order to properly incite the masses you must strike at the heart of their very existence. Threaten the things they hold dear and exploit their deepest darkest insecurities. We live in a predominantly Christian, white, patriarchal society. Therefore threatening the Christian God, the Constitution, and one’s whiteness and manliness will have the most profound effect. In addition, the Internet has also shown that Americans love and value inarticulate cats, so any threat to kitties is sure to enrage. Remember, if you stay within the guidelines of whiteness and cuteness, your success is guaranteed.
Back in the day one would have to go to great lengths to spew their hateful, vengeful propaganda to the masses. It was a lot of work going from town hall meeting, to town hall meeting, and nailing your manifesto to church doors was a bit risqué. Now thanks to the popularity of social networking sites we can regurgitate our hate from the comfort of our own homes while still in our pajamas. You can yell loudly from your twitter and facebook accounts, but still no one can see you. The anonymity of the Internet provides us with the necessary bravado to spout vitriol unrestrained by the presence of a physical audience.
Step I: Identify the group you oppose and identify the behavior you find unsavory.
Example: Obama’s Liberal-Socialist Regime and Heath Care Reform.
Step II: Express a disproportionate amount of outrage towards the actions of the target group. I recommend using big words and lots of exclamation marks. Referencing Jesus Christ or the Constitution will provide you the ever-important guise of intelligence and authority. If you can get on TV, try and use melodramatic hand gestures, and if possible get that vein in your forehead to bulge. Your over zealous passion will show that you are indeed a serious individual and this is indeed a serious matter adding to the credibility of your claims.
Example: “Oh my god the Liberal-Socialist Regime has passed HCR! It’s the beginning of the deconstitutionalization of white upper class America! Now poor, non-white, people can get the medical attention like us! This is an unholy blight against the Lord Jesus Christ!”
Step III: You must, must DEMONIZE your target group for their alleged misdeeds. This is very important in establishing an ‘us versus them’ mentality. It works to separate you and your righteous followers from the heathens you are rallying against. This demonization will aide in further discrediting your opponents and their leaders. Step III is an excellent stage to use the above-mentioned guidelines. Try and incorporate your target group’s threats to patriarchal whiteness and if possible the livelihood of kittens.
Example: “Did you hear, Rachel Maddow is running against Scott Brown for Massachusetts Senate Seat AND she drinks the blood of baby kitties?”
Step IV: In order for your position to be taken seriously, you must achieve a perceived credibility and a consensus amongst your constituents. It is essential that you find as many people as possible to believe in your unsubstantiated hate mongering. I recommend using social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, or perhaps starting a blog. In a matter of seconds your unfounded, ignorant claims will be visible to the masses. Selective marketing is also beneficial. Preaching to fellow small-minded individuals or those who are too lazy to critically analyze data will help you to quickly gain followers. The more followers you have the greater your perceived credibility.
Step V: To incite the optimum amount of fear and panic, it is important to promote the belief that a disproportionate number of individuals are engaged in the undesired behavior and therefore acting against your self interest and the interests of the dominant class. If these behaviors continue, they will spread, in turn infecting and influencing the masses in a domino effect.
Example: “Health care reform is just the beginning, I heard the Obama administration and his Liberal-Socialist Regime are going to outlaw NASCAR!”
“Right now, all across the country the liberal-socialists are lining up to make yoga classes mandatory AND provide vegetarian lunch options in our high schools.”
See, now wasn’t that easy? If you have done everything correctly, it will only be a matter of time before things erupt and we have riots, beatings and are engaged in a full-fledged class war. Good luck! Now go and get your hate on!
Between the Turntables She Keeps the Metamucil and the Mixes
While most 69 year old women are out tending to their gardens or knitting scarves for their grandchildren Ruth Flowers, is taking the French club circuit by storm. Though only in the game for four years, Ms. Flowers has quite the list of accomplishments under her girdle including spinning at the Cannes Film Festival.
Psychopaths and Dopamine Hypersensitivity
This week Nature Neuroscience published a study by Joshua Buckholtz of Vanderbilt University identifying a link between overactive dopamine reward systems and those possessing Psychopathic tendencies. Mr. Buckholtz and his colleagues hope that this ‘ground breaking’ research will result in a possible approach to the treatment of psychopaths. Yeah, good luck with that.
We all know too much dopamine or too little can have profound consequences on our brain functioning. Dopamine irregularities have been linked to Schizophrenia, Parkinson’s and various impulse control disorders just to name a few. Dopamine is released into our systems during instances of anticipation and excitement and during conditioned rewards. I wonder if the ‘overactive dopamine reward system’ noted in the above study is a result of the psychopathy and not a cause.
As we know the human brain is a plastic ‘muscle’, it responds and adapts to external/internal stimuli. I believe this ‘overactive dopamine reward system’ is the result of a lifetime of impulsive behavior, similar to the above average cortisol levels in those suffering from anxiety or stress disorders. Our bodies secrete cortisol in response to stress, those suffering from long term stress and anxiety disorders have higher levels of cortisol in their systems than those without the disorders. Their bodies are always in a state of heightened alert and thusly are always secreting cortisol. In my opinion the dopamine levels in psychopaths are higher because they lack the ability to inhibit their pleasure seeking drives and as a result they are constantly in a hyperactive intensified state. Just a thought.
It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Lyssianasid Amphipod Under the McMurdo Ice Shelf 
Scientists from NASA recently got a glimpse of the underside of the McMurdo ice shelf in Antarctica, and while doing so spotted a small three-inch Lyssianasid amphipod. This three-inch shrimp is challenging previously held beliefs about survival in the frigid arctic and may trigger a larger scale expedition. My favorite part of this piece is a quote by NASA ice scientist Robert Bindschadler “It was a shrimp you’d enjoy having on your plate.” Why is it than when we find something unique and rare and of such scientific significance we want to eat it?
Headless Vikings
During recent construction on the 2012 Olympic site a mass grave containing the 
remains of over 50 beheaded Vikings were found in Weymouth. “Dating back to between AD910 and AD1030, the mass war grave is among the largest examples ever found of executed foreigners buried in one spot.” Researchers believe the Vikings met their gruesome end at the hands of the Anglos and in front of a ‘live studio’audience. Yeesh, talk about a fun family event.
Link via Telegraph.UK
The End is Nigh
Gliese 710 NASA
Are you sitting down? You might want to sit down for this. It has been confirmed that Orange Dwarf star Gliese 710 is ‘likely’ on a collision course with our solar system. The dwarf star should be rocking the celestial boat in about 1.5 million years. Looks like I won’t need to pay off my student loans after all. Muhahahaha take that FAFSA.
Link via Popular Science
This just came across my ‘desk’ today. I know it’s a bit outdated, but it seems in line with the whole sheep eating parrot thing.
Meet Harry and Sally, two man-eating pugs from Nebraska (as if you needed another reason not to visit). The pair was left without adequate food or water after their owner killed himself and resorted to the unsavory snacking as a means of survival. The good news, they appear to be happy and healthy and unscathed by their traumatic ordeal. The bad news, they need homes. So if you don’t mind a little Hannibal Lector in your pug you should give the Nebraska Humane Society a ring.
Link Thanks To T. Lee
At a recent dinner party my friend from New Zealand and her husband were kind enough to tell me about the infamous sheep eating parrots of her native land. I listened in amazement as they recounted a terrorizing tale of bloodthirsty, nocturnal parrots that hunt in packs searching for their next tasty, meat snack. “They jump onto the backs of the live sheep pecking through their flesh and drinking their blood. Muhahahaha.” I thought they were joking until I found the following video. Beware this is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
This post was written in response to David Sax’s piece in the February 26 issue of the NYT, Hey, Waiter! Just How Much Extra Do You Really Expect? I try and shy away from response or opinion pieces, but after reading this article I was filled with a rage unlike anything I have experienced since an Amherst College graduate moved to Astoria and attempted to become the reincarnate of Julia Child. In Sax’s defense he is complaining about excessive tipping, however, he goes off range a bit and I am here to herd this stray sheep back to pasture.
I can tell by the choice of language in your article, Mr. Sax, that you bring that sort of self-important charm and charisma with you to every restaurant, bar, and café that you patronize. It must be a treat to wait on, “Mr. David Sax, a journalist and the author of “Save the Deli” (Houghton Mifflin), who lives in Park Slope and always tips 15 percent.” Certainly, you would never be inconsiderate or demanding, but the person standing on the other side of the counter has withstood a barrage of “gimmes” and “I wants”, accompanied by finger-snapping, sleeve-pulling and anatomy-staring sans the customary “please and thank you”. But can you ask yourself, does a dollar really make a dent in the “sweetheart-handsome-I want this on this side-it’s too hot-can I have this on ice-I did say decaf-I didn’t really like my blueberry sage lemon low-fat flaxseed scone-you didn’t put any scotcth in thisth” that has become a part of the exchange at every Zagat-rated American bar, restaurant, and café.
On another note, I am glad that you feel that the wait staff minimum wage in this country should be increased. Unfortunately, many restaurants are operating at costs that would make a grown man weep. The average food costs for a fine dining establishment are around 30% and labor costs tack on at least another 30%, more if you include benefits. This leaves the owner with roughly 40% of wiggle room to pay rent, utilities, and purchase things like glassware and frilly cloth napkins. The added wage increase you so passionately cry out for may force smaller restaurants to go out of business while others will compensate for the higher payroll by passing the costs onto YOU the consumer. You see Dave, the money has to come from somewhere and it will probably come in the form of increased prices, or the purchasing of inferior ingredients. How do you feel about paying $6.75 for a decaf vanilla soy latte? Do you really want to know how fresh that swordfish is? There is also the option of cutting the salary of the kitchen staff and hiring less skilled workers. Dave, I don’t want Redneck Bob filleting my mignon tonight. It’s not about being “cheap” it’s about survival. The sad reality is, the service industry is a subsidized industry, and it is subsidized by consumers like you and your gratuity. The restaurants in this country and their waitstaff cannot survive without folks like you and at the same time you could not go about your lavish hands-off lifestyle without them. It’s a pretty dysfunctional symbiotic relationship.
So here’s the deal: you keep throwing that money into our tip jar and we will keep being your friends, your confidants, your therapists, and your eye candy.
Melissa M. Melville, AKA NerdyGrrl.com, former barista, lives in Northampton, MA and always tips 15-20%.
Oh and if you want my input on why it’s perfectly fine to add gratuity to parties of six or more drop me a line.
Well, in December Soichi Noguchi tweeted he would do it and now there is video proof. Space Sushi!
Link via Popular Science
Follow Soichi Noguchi on Twitter @Astro_Soichi
Want more space food? Check out this from the travel channel’s Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. It’s a behind the scenes look at NASA’s culinary underbelly.
Who needs Kevlar when you can just get silicone implants. “Lydia Carranza, a mother of three and grandmother of two was working in the office of a dentist in Beverly Hills, California when a gunman ran in and opened fire.
He aimed the weapon directly at her heart but one of her silicone implants took the force of the blow, stopping bullet fragments from reaching her vital organs.”
Well I am glad she went with the D’s and not, say a B or C or things might have turned out differently.
Link via Telegraph.UK
Redmond Junior High School student Dalton Duncan was given detention for using the phrase, “that’s what she said” in response to another student. Please see photo below and case you can’t read the illegible handwriting there is full transcript below.
Reason for Detention: Another student said “you need to push it in farther” (innocent comment) and Dalton added “that’s what she said”.
Wow, in my day we had to at least throw some profanity in there. Did someone wake up with the cranky pants on today or did you not meet your bitch quota for the month? Lighten up. Give the kid a break. That was some pretty spot on timing on his part.
Thanks JB and CM for the Link via The Huffington Post
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