Incite Your Own Moral Panic in Five Easy Steps
Things in your neighborhood a little too quiet? People getting along too well? Too many families getting together for play dates and BBQ’s? Is there inter-class canoodling? Well, my friends you are in luck! Using the tried and true methods of the hate mongers of yore, I have prepared a step-by-step guide guaranteed to help you bring chaos and disruption to any neighborhood. Call it what you will, Moral Panic, Emotional Contagion, manufacturing/constructing of a perceived reality, whatever. This guide is guaranteed to disrupt the peace and spread hate. Our main goal is to make your underlying hate and racism 100% socially acceptable all the while projecting your greatest insecurities onto innocent scapegoats. It’s so easy even Sarah Palin can do it, without the assistance of notes! Why should the Tea Klan have all the fun?
In order to properly incite the masses you must strike at the heart of their very existence. Threaten the things they hold dear and exploit their deepest darkest insecurities. We live in a predominantly Christian, white, patriarchal society. Therefore threatening the Christian God, the Constitution, and one’s whiteness and manliness will have the most profound effect. In addition, the Internet has also shown that Americans love and value inarticulate cats, so any threat to kitties is sure to enrage. Remember, if you stay within the guidelines of whiteness and cuteness, your success is guaranteed.
Back in the day one would have to go to great lengths to spew their hateful, vengeful propaganda to the masses. It was a lot of work going from town hall meeting, to town hall meeting, and nailing your manifesto to church doors was a bit risqué. Now thanks to the popularity of social networking sites we can regurgitate our hate from the comfort of our own homes while still in our pajamas. You can yell loudly from your twitter and facebook accounts, but still no one can see you. The anonymity of the Internet provides us with the necessary bravado to spout vitriol unrestrained by the presence of a physical audience.
Step I: Identify the group you oppose and identify the behavior you find unsavory.
Example: Obama’s Liberal-Socialist Regime and Heath Care Reform.
Step II: Express a disproportionate amount of outrage towards the actions of the target group. I recommend using big words and lots of exclamation marks. Referencing Jesus Christ or the Constitution will provide you the ever-important guise of intelligence and authority. If you can get on TV, try and use melodramatic hand gestures, and if possible get that vein in your forehead to bulge. Your over zealous passion will show that you are indeed a serious individual and this is indeed a serious matter adding to the credibility of your claims.
Example: “Oh my god the Liberal-Socialist Regime has passed HCR! It’s the beginning of the deconstitutionalization of white upper class America! Now poor, non-white, people can get the medical attention like us! This is an unholy blight against the Lord Jesus Christ!”
Step III: You must, must DEMONIZE your target group for their alleged misdeeds. This is very important in establishing an ‘us versus them’ mentality. It works to separate you and your righteous followers from the heathens you are rallying against. This demonization will aide in further discrediting your opponents and their leaders. Step III is an excellent stage to use the above-mentioned guidelines. Try and incorporate your target group’s threats to patriarchal whiteness and if possible the livelihood of kittens.
Example: “Did you hear, Rachel Maddow is running against Scott Brown for Massachusetts Senate Seat AND she drinks the blood of baby kitties?”
Step IV: In order for your position to be taken seriously, you must achieve a perceived credibility and a consensus amongst your constituents. It is essential that you find as many people as possible to believe in your unsubstantiated hate mongering. I recommend using social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, or perhaps starting a blog. In a matter of seconds your unfounded, ignorant claims will be visible to the masses. Selective marketing is also beneficial. Preaching to fellow small-minded individuals or those who are too lazy to critically analyze data will help you to quickly gain followers. The more followers you have the greater your perceived credibility.
Step V: To incite the optimum amount of fear and panic, it is important to promote the belief that a disproportionate number of individuals are engaged in the undesired behavior and therefore acting against your self interest and the interests of the dominant class. If these behaviors continue, they will spread, in turn infecting and influencing the masses in a domino effect.
Example: “Health care reform is just the beginning, I heard the Obama administration and his Liberal-Socialist Regime are going to outlaw NASCAR!”
“Right now, all across the country the liberal-socialists are lining up to make yoga classes mandatory AND provide vegetarian lunch options in our high schools.”
See, now wasn’t that easy? If you have done everything correctly, it will only be a matter of time before things erupt and we have riots, beatings and are engaged in a full-fledged class war. Good luck! Now go and get your hate on!
